Member-only story
I’m Fine
There are things I wish you could understand about living with chronic illness.
When I’m asked about my chronic illness, I become matter-of-fact. I defer to facts and data over my own experience and feelings.
When I’m asked about my chronic illness, I say that trigeminal neuralgia (TN) is a rare chronic facial nerve pain condition. I say that there is no direct treatment or cure. I say that its common medical treatments are meant to treat other neurological conditions, but that these medications don’t completely disappear the pain. I say that the side effects can be intense.
When I’m asked about my chronic illness, there are times when I feel like I’m still not understood. Being in constant pain is inconceivable enough that I can often feel my audience’s discomfort and suspicion. Unless you experience or even witness it, it’s hard to explain what TN — or any other chronic condition — does to the body and spirit.
A fine balance
There are times, though, when I don’t want to answer questions, when I feel less than patient and gracious. I don’t want to feel like an oddity or medical curiosity. I don’t want my illness to supplant who I am as a person. So it’s easier to say “I’m fine,” when asked “How are you?”
Who knew that such a seemingly benign question could trigger so much internal conflict…
