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Pain Is Pain
No one can understand your pain except you — and that’s why you need to release your self-care shame.
Since being diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia (TN), my mom has been my emotional hotline. I have had more conversations with her — a wise, compassionate, retired nurse — about chronic illness and pain than I can count. Something she says punctuates each and every single one of those chats: “Pain is pain. No one can understand your pain except you.”
Pain is wholly personal
I take heart in those bittersweet words. When my mom says this, it reminds me that my experience is mine — no matter how many thousands of others share my condition, and no matter how many similarities there may be in our experiences, our pain isn’t exactly alike. I can empathize with the depth and breadth of anyone who has my condition, or anyone who lives with any sort of pain, but unless I am that person, I won’t know exactly what her experience is like, just as she won’t know mine. What then follows is that I am the best authority on my condition and body, and shouldn’t be afraid to advocate for myself.
This may seem obvious, but it’s not always easy to practice.
One side effect of chronic illness is how it brings to the fore other people’s lack of sensitivity, kindness and compassion. And not necessarily just strangers — I’m…
