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The Body Relationship
Chronic illness is teaching me to redefine my body image and how I relate to my body.
Writing about body image in the aftermath of chronic illness has me overcome by how much shame encases this subject. To varying degrees throughout our lives — often starting when we are very young — our sense of physical self is influenced and challenged. We seek the “right” labels and permission to feel good just as we are.
But knowing this doesn’t exclude us from having a complicated relationship with our bodies. For me, it is painful and confusing to face how negatively I still see my body and how all the accoutrements of chronic illness have further complicated that.
Chubs
I wish I could sit here and tell you that now, in my late 30s, I start and end each day comfortable in this physical body of mine. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case and I don’t really know when it has been. There are times when I still feel like an insecure, chubby kid. Like so many women — and men — I know I have a skewed perception of physical self. There’s no better evidence of this than when I see photos of myself in my 20s. I can take myself back to each snapshot and remember believing I was so unattractive. And now, I could kick myself for not loving the way I looked more.
