Member-only story
The Gratitude Contradiction
It is the greatest surprise of my life how my gratitude practice would help me find things to be grateful to my chronic illness for.
For two years now, I’ve had a daily gratitude practice: after I wake up each morning, after at least 10 minutes of guided meditation, I make a list of every single thing I’m grateful for.
Some days the list is very long and others quite short. Some days all the good things in and around my life are at the tip of my tongue and on other days I have to think harder. There’s a lot of repetition, but there’s a grounding relief I find in doing this: it reminds me to stay present, that nothing is too small and that there’s always something good to hold on to.
After my diagnosis with trigeminal neuralgia (TN), gratitude has been a pillar to lean on, buttressing me when so much feels uncertain and scary. When I have felt the very real claws of despair sinking into my awareness, gratitude is what has anchored me. I don’t have an active practice because I feel I must; I do it because it’s become second nature.
But I’m still learning. And what I was wholly unprepared for is how my gratitude practice would help me find things to be grateful to my chronic illness for.
